


i've found my sweet escape when i'm alone with you

by rocketshiptospace



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, M/M, Slurs, or something like that?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 09:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1739129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes they have sleepovers and they'll lie there in the dark and one time Luke quietly asks Ashton if they'll be friends forever and Ashton grins, even though he knows Luke can't see it. He responds with a solid "Always."</p><p>Or, the story of Luke and Ashton, child hood friends, and their struggles through life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've found my sweet escape when i'm alone with you

**Author's Note:**

> i have not writting anything in like forever but GODDAMN i couldn't stop myself from writing luke/ashton they're freaking adorable!! but yeah, my writing skills are a bit rusty, sorry :(

Luke is five and Ashton is seven and the world is a playground. 

Luke and his mother have just moved into the house next to Ashton's and when their mothers met and found out they both had sons from around the same age they thought it might be fun to let them play together.

And after a slightly rocky start (Ashton throwing a fit because "I am _seven_ , mom. I do not want to play with a _five year old_.") Ashton and Luke actually hit it off like a house on fire. After that day, the two become almost annoyingly inseparable.

Where Ashton is, Luke follows. And when someone asks Ashton if he doesn't find it annoying that the younger boy is following him around like that he raises a confused eyebrow. "Why would I? Luke's my best friend."

Luke's smile gets positively wider every time that happens. Mostly he's just happy he has found someone in the neighborhood that makes moving less stupid, but also because it's _Ashton_ , who's older and taller and also cooler and Luke's just really happy Ashton wants to be his friend.

They play together all summer, pretending to be knights and running after each other with sticks and whenever one of the other kids asks Ashton to come play with them he refuses and tells them he's already going to play with Luke.

When winter arrives they revert back inside and play board games and on Christmas Eve Ashton gets a tiny drum set and Luke watches gleefully while Ashton hits the drums in a still rather non rhythmic manner.

Sometimes they have sleepovers and they'll lie there in the dark and one time Luke quietly asks Ashton if they'll be friends forever and Ashton grins, even though he knows Luke can't see it. He responds with a solid "Always."

 

\--

 

Luke is ten and Ashton is twelve and the world gets a bit darker.

They still play outside during the summer, even though they have gone from pretending to be knight to pretending to be proper soccer players (which they're really really not) and Luke still smiles bright every time Ashton proudly tells people Luke's his best friend and Ashton is still taller and older and cooler.

During the winter though, things start to change.

It starts with Ashton staying over at Luke's house more and more and Luke doesn't mind, really, but he really misses Ashton's flat screen TV and his mom's chocolate chip cookies. When he asks Ashton about it, the older boy just shakes his head and says it's nothing.

So Luke just shrugs and doesn't bring it up again.

This continues for weeks, them staying over at Luke's house and Ashton denying anything being wrong every single time Luke asks.

So Luke stops asking.

He finds out what's wrong two weeks later, on a Sunday, when he's bored and decides to go over to Ashton's house to ask him if he wants to hang out. There's yelling coming from inside and Luke frowns, but knocks anyway.

Apparently no one hears because the door stays stubbornly close. After knocking three times the only thing that has happened is an intensifying of the yelling. Luke decides to give up and try Ashton's window to see if he's there.

Suddenly the door swings open and Mr. Irwin comes storming out. Luke hasn't seen the man much, since he's always working or hanging out with friends or god knows what Mr. Irwin does in his free time. Mrs. Irwin is standing in the doorway, tears in her eyes as she yells at the retreating back of Mr. Irwin. Ashton has joined his mother side and his eyes are also full of tears, but he stays silent, instead watching his father walk away.

Luke is incredibly confused by the entire scene until he spots the suitcase Mr. Irwin is holding and suddenly he connects the dots. That is the last both the Irwin family and Luke ever see of Mr. Irwin.

And then Ashton finally tells him what has been wrong all this time. His parents have been fighting for months, yelling (and on some occasions even throwing) things at each other and that was the reason Ashton spend so many time with Luke. To forget, to not have to hear it, to be safe for a few hours.

Luke watches Ashton violently and aggressively drum with a sad smile on his face. He wishes he could make things better for his friend, but he knows that the only thing he can do is be there for him right now.

They still have sleepovers every now and then. One time, Luke asks if they'll be friends forever. Ashton replies with a quiet "my mom and dad said they'd be together forever in their wedding vows." and Luke doesn't ask again after that.

 

\--

Luke is fifteen and Ashton is seventeen and the world is a mean and hurtful place.

They still hang out a lot but now Ashton also has is own group of friends and Luke befriends a boy named Calum and when they hang out during the summer they don't go outside anymore but prefer to stay inside and play video games.

And Luke's a freshman at high school and Ashton's a junior and sometimes people see Ashton talking to Luke and they'll ask him if they're friends and Ashton'll shrug and say something like "Yeah, he's my next door neighbor, we hang out sometimes."

And Luke doesn't smile as bright as he used to when Ashton says that but he still smiles because Ashton's still his friend and also very much taller and older and cooler.

Freshmen year for Luke also comes with sneaking out of the house to go to parties and alcohol and exploring his sexuality and ok. Well.

Luke realizes he's gay when he's making out with the guy that always sits in the back of his math class and finds it to be far more pleasing than that one time he made out with that long legged brunette that just giggled a lot.

It spreads through the school like a wild fire, but Luke doesn't really care because he has never really particularly cared and he's not about to start now.

But the strange thing is, other people do seem to care.

People like the members of the football team, who start of seemingly innocent by lightly shoving Luke into the lockers every time they pass him, but eventually end up being the reason Luke comes home with a black eye and tells his mother he has run into a door.

Winter arrives and Luke hasn't seen Ashton in two weeks.

The front porch of the Irwin's hasn't changed much in these two weeks, but that isn't really surprising, since it's only been _two weeks_. For Luke it feels like an eternity.

He rings the newly installed doorbell and listens as it echoes through the house. The door gets swung open by someone who is definitely not Ashton. The boy is  pretty mediocre, except his hair is actually blue. Like, bright blue.

The blue haired boy looks Luke up and down and raises and eyebrow. "Ash! The faggot's here to see you!"  He yells back into the house and Luke cringes.

Ashton walks into the hallway with a scowl in the blue haired boy's direction. "You are calling no one a faggot in this house Michael or I swear to god I'm kicking you across the pacific ocean." The boy, apparently named Michael holds up his hands in defense and walks back to the living room.

"Sorry 'bout that."  Ashton says, leaning against the doorway. He's wearing sweatpants and no shirt and Luke has never really noticed how muscled his arms are but now he has and it's a bit hard to breathe. "So, what's up?" Ashton awkwardly asks when the silence stretches a bit too long.

 Luke shakes himself out of his daze and focuses back on Ashton's eyes. "Nothing, just wondering if you wanted to hang out." He mumbles. Ashton's eyes are pretty. Why is he noticing these things.

Ashton frowns. "Sorry bro, I'm having a lads nights with some friends from school. Maybe another day, yeah?"  Luke nods, pretending his heart doesn't break over the words. Few years ago, Ashton would've ditched these people in a second to hang with Luke. He would've asked Luke to join. But he would never ever have denied Luke's presence.

As Luke walks away, he knows this is it. This day forever will go into the history books as the day Luke Hemmings lost his best friend.

Later, when he's lying in his bed he quietly asks Ashton if they'll be friends forever. But Ashton isn't there and the room stays eerily quiet.

 

\--

 

Luke is twenty and Ashton is twenty-two and the world keeps on spinning.

Luke hasn't seen Ashton since the day the older boy left for  college and he hasn't spoken to him since the day Ashton told him they would hang out some other time. They never did and Luke's not still upset about this, goddamnit. He's twenty years old and he's in college and he's _fine_.

Except he misses Ashton, still, always and it's been five years and his mother has stopped asking how Ashton is doing because she knows the answer will be "i don't know".

It's stupid, to still be so hung up over it but they were friends for ten years and Luke just really misses him.

It's summer now and Luke's home for summer break and nothing has changed, really. His mom asks him about college and tells him to eat more and Luke nods and tells her college is good.

"I invited the Irwin's over for dinner tonight." His mother says one night and Luke actually drops his phone. It clatters to the floor but he's too busy staring at his mom in disbelief to care if the screen's cracked or not.

"What."

"Yeah, I ran into Anne Marie in the store and we hadn't talked for awhile and I just thought I'd invite them over for dinner, you know? Just her and Ashton, like old times. Should be fun right?" His mother raises a questioning eyebrow in Luke's direction and Luke nods vaguely.

"Yeah sure should be fun."

It's not fun. It's far from fun. Because _fuck_ Luke hasn't properly looked at Ashton for like five years and he has gotten /hot/. His arms are even more muscled and his hair has gotten a lot more curly and his dimples are even more prominent now and Luke has a hard time breathing.

"Hi." Ashton awkwardly says when Luke still hasn't moved or spoken.

"Hi." Luke breathes out, stepping aside to let Ashton and Anne Marie pass.

"Luke! You have gotten so big!" Anne Marie says as she forgoes all formalities and pulls Luke in a bone crushing hug.

"You really have." Ashton says and Luke turns around to face to boy again only to realise he has to look down. /He has gotten taller than Ashton/. It feels weird put he jokingly punches Ashton shoulder and mutters "Garden gnome".

Ashton glares at him. "As long as I don't grow a beard you are _not_ allowed to call me garden gnome."  

Anne Marie laughs behind them and it kind of feels like old times as she ushers them into the living room and it hurts Luke's heart a bit.

Dinner goes ok, except Luke can't keep his eyes of Ashton and his muscles and his dimples and he hates everything.

Their mothers laugh and converse and Ashton and Luke occasionally join but the awkwardness between them is still apparent. What do you say to someone who used to mean the world to you  but hasn't been around for so long?

At the end of dinner Ashton and Luke both get up to clean the table and Anne Marie smiles. "Oh great, you two will clean the table? Then Liz and I will sit in the living room, all right?" But before either boy can protest the women are already gone.

Luke sighs and grabs a few plates to carry them to the kitchen, closely followed by Ashton. Luke's planning on ignoring Ashton as much as possible, but Ashton seems to have different ideas.

"We need to talk." The older boy says. Luke places the plates in the sink and turns around to face Ashton.

"Go ahead." Luke says, nervously playing with his lip ring.

"I.." Ashton starts, but then his eyes suddenly darken. "Fuck it." He concludes and surges forwards to press his lips to Luke's.

 Luke is surprised and taken aback and also kissing back. His hands find his way to Ashton's hips and Ashton's hands are in his hair and wow, this is like really nice.

Until it hits him that he's kissing /Ashton/, the boy who used to be his best friend, the boy he hasn't talked to for like five years and he quickly pulls away. "What the fuck." It's supposed to be a question but it comes out as a statement and Ashton looks at him bewildered.

"Shit that was not what was meant to happen I had this whole speech and stuff and I wasn't meant to kiss you and I am so sorry." Ashton is rambling and it's kind of cute but Luke's brain is also a little frozen right now.

"But why did you?" He says, filtering through the million questions in his head and choosing that's the best one.

Ashton looks up at him, cheeks pink. "Because I'm in love with you? Have been for like, I don't know, seven years? I think I realized somewhere around the time you had that whole thing with coming out of the closet and being bullied and I just wanted to drag you off and hug you and protect you but I couldn't, because I wasn't that strong, I couldn't just be me, I couldn't." Ashton takes a deep breath.

"You're were out and proud Luke, and I wasn't that strong. Also I had no idea if you felt the same so I just thought that if I distanced myself from you that it would become better but then we stopped being friends and five years have passed since then and I'm still in love with you."

Ashton, who had averted his eyes to his shoes looks up again and there's actual tears in his eyes. Luke really doesn't know what to say.

"Did you really think it was easy? Being 'out and proud'? Do you realize how many times I had to tell my mom that I had gotten a black eye because I had walked into a door and not because some douche bag from the football team had hit me in the face? Do you realize how shitty you are being by just _dumping_ me and then show up five years later and kiss me and tell me you love me? You can't just _do_ that, Ashton! Happy endings don't work that way!" Luke is fuming and Ashton shrinks with every word he throws his way.

"I'm sorry." Ashton murmurs, more to the floor than to Luke. Luke sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Please just leave?" Ashton nods and quickly makes his way out of the kitchen. He pauses at the door.

"Luke?"

"Yes?"

"You... You kissed back, right?"

"Yes."

"Does that mean, that maybe, possibly, you're in love with me too?"

Luke sighs. "I don't know, Ash. I just. I need time, ok? This is a lot to process and I need time."

Ashton nods and disappears from the kitchen.

The days pass and Luke doesn't see Ashton again.

He hears him though. He hears the sound of the drums floating in through the open window and sometimes he closes his eyes and he's five again and Ashton has just received his first drum kit and the world is still right and no feelings are involved at all.

He doesn't know what to do, is the thing. He literally has no idea. He has been sorting through his thoughts ever since what he refers to as 'The Incident' and he's so lost.

Because even though the biggest part of him is screaming "Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it!" there's also a small part that is celebrating because "Ashton loves him, Ashton wants to kiss him, Ashton loves him!"

He also realizes that Ashton might not have been the only one with a very long lasting crush. But every time he gives in to that small part that wants to forgive Ashton and be with Ashton, the big part reminds him again of how much it hurt when Ashton just stopped being his friend and when he wasn't there for him when he got bullied and its so frustrating.

Summer is coming to an end and Luke's packing up his stuff to go back to college. His mom, who knows something went down during the dinner with the Irwin's but is too sweet to ask him about it, keeps glancing at Luke and then at Ashton's house. Luke knows what she's trying to say but he ignores it.

It's the night before he's going back and Luke's wide awake. He still can't stop thinking about Ashton and the kiss and how good it felt but also how much it hurt and his brain really really needs to shut the fuck up.

Suddenly there's a crash and a knock on his bedroom window and Luke shoots about three feet into the air. The knocking continues so he slowly walks over to the window and opens it only to find Ashton there, standing on the little roof in front of Luke's room.

"What." Luke says and Ashton smiles weakly.

"Ok, before you close the window you need to know that you won't have to talk to me but you do have to let me in because I climbed up this roof with the help of a ladder but now I've dropped the ladder and I am physically stuck on this roof." Ashton rushes out and Luke can't help but laugh.

"Come inside." He says, sidestepping so Ashton can pass. It's weird, seeing Ashton in his room again. It reminds him of twelve year old Ashton who's parents were in the middle of a divorce and Luke's house was the only place Ashton really felt home.

Ashton stands there, in the middle of the room, awkwardly looking around.

"So you wanted to talk, right? Go ahead, talk." Luke says.

Ashton takes a deep breath. "I love you. And I know you don't want to hear it and I know you don't feel the same but I can't let you go back to college without telling you because that would actually kill me."

Ashton shuffles his feet a bit and shyly peeks at Luke. "I know I was a coward, Luke, for never telling you or for never coming out of the closet but not everybody has the guts you have, fuck, remember when we were little and we used to pretend to be knights? You were always the one to safe me Luke,  even as a five year old you were already a lot braver than me."

"We were playing pretend."  Luke says, because he can't listen to Ashton talk about how wonderful he is any longer. Luke might do things he'll regret in the morning.

"Yeah but in our heads it was real and you never backed down. I was your damsel in distress and I'm probably always going to be your damsel in distress but I want that, allright? I feel _safe_  around you Luke and I missed you so much in those missing years becasue, fuck, college is scary when you have to face it on your own, ok. So please. Just please give me a chance."

Luke strides over to Ashton, decision made and determined. He grabs Ashton's head and smashes his lips to his.

The force makes the kiss slightly more uncomfortable than the first one but then Luke relaxes and so does Ashton and they align their heads a bit better and /wow/.

Later, when they're lying in bed (because Luke's scared his mom's going to wake up if he tries to sneak Ashton through the front door, that's totally the reason) the conversation lands on their future and their relationship. They'll try, they know that, but Ashton's going to be back here and Luke's going to be at college and it's  going to be hard.

"Are you going to be here?" Luke asks, and they both know he means when he comes back from college, but Ashton replies with "Always" and they both know he isn't referring to college.

 

\--

 

Luke is twenty-five and Ashton is twenty-seven and life's good.

Ashton asks him on a Thursday night, when they've just finished dinner and are lying on the couch watching shitty television. He had been planning this big grand gesture, but he takes one look at Luke and his soft smile and sparkling blue eyes and realizes he never wants anyone else.

So it just sort of blurts out.

"Will you marry me?"

"Sure."

"Cool."

A silence falls over the room. "So?" Luke asks.

"So, what?" Ashton  retorts.

"So, where's the ring?" Luke asks, turning towards Ashton. "You aren't telling me you were planning on turning me into an honest man but haven't even bought a ring yet? In that case I need to revise my answer because I don't know if I want to be with a man that doesn't even _bother_."

Ashton sighs. "Will this do?" He asks, ripping a strip of his t-shirt, that's already filled with holes anyway and ties it around Luke's finger.

"Perfect." Luke says, pressing a kiss to Ashton's forehead.

Later, in bed, Luke snuggles close to Ashton and whispers "I love you." Ashton doesn't miss a beat. "I love you too. Always."

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [here](https://www.skatertotluke.tumblr.com)


End file.
